


I'm 0.4% Alien?: A Kryptonian's Guide to Making Sense of Your Genetic Testing

by starwritess



Category: Booster Gold (Comics), DCU (Comics), Justice League International (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Family Bonding, Fluff, Gen, Humor, M/M, Not Beta Read, but like fleeting and kind of in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28023675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwritess/pseuds/starwritess
Summary: Encouraged by a late-night TV commercial, Booster decides to get his genetics tested in hopes of tracking down some of his ancestors. Let it be known that Ted tried to stop him.
Relationships: Michael Carter & Clark Kent, Michael Carter/Ted Kord
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	I'm 0.4% Alien?: A Kryptonian's Guide to Making Sense of Your Genetic Testing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I was talking with my friend aimless about these ridiculous panels from [new52 JLI](https://fakedelaware.tumblr.com/post/637275210664509440/that-time-clark-accidentally-obliterated-booster) (they are on my throwaway blog along with a meme i made about them because i didn't want to post them on my main lmao) and i KNOW that new52 is a hot mess and we don't want to talk about it, but this concept was too funny to me. i had to write it to some capacity. 
> 
> it's also been awhile since i wrote boostle. hey, boostle fans. how we feeling about recent comics.
> 
> and another note is... i couldn't remember if booster and ted knew clarks secret identity? so i assumed they didn't for the sake of this. 
> 
> thanks for reading!

It started fairly innocent, as most things do.

Ted and Booster were lounging together on a lazy Sunday night. No work, no one to save - they were very relaxed as they watched TV, Booster on Ted’s lap as he lazily stroked his hair.

The show they were watching, some drama documentary about rock bands in the 80s, cut to commercials. Too lazy to move, they sat through them. 

Car insurance, medical insurance, dental insurance…

“ _ Like many who were adopted, I never knew my birth parents…” _ This one was new. Booster watched idly as the woman on the screen took a cheek swab, analyzed it, and a series of names popped up. “ _ But with DiscoverMe, I was able to connect with my parents.”  _ It showed her hugging two older adults.  _ “DiscoverMe also tells me all about my ethnic background, like what countries my family is from.”  _ She smiled at the screen as a phone number flashed across it. “ _ Try DiscoverMe today!” _

At first, Booster was too tired to register this. It had gone in one ear and out the other, per say. But then it hit him all at one.

He shot up. “Ted! I can find my ancestors!”

Ted frowned. “I don’t think that’s how it works. Plus, don’t you already know your ancestors?”

“Only the two. I probably have  _ tons  _ more in this time period, Daniel is just the one I share a last name with.” Booster stood and made way for the phone. “I have to call DiscoverMe right away!”

“And tell them what?” Ted ran after him, making it to his phone first and tucking it in his pocket. “ _ ‘Oh, hey, Booster Gold calling. I was wondering if you could help connect me with my ancestors from 500 years ago.’ _ I don’t think they’ll be able to help.”

Booster pouted and made a grab for the phone. Ted dodged easily. “Come on, aren’t you at least a  _ little bit  _ curious?”

Ted was, but he shook his head.

“You don’t want to find out where I get my charm and good looks? Because it’s definitely not  _ Daniel. _ ”

He had a point. Still! “ _ You  _ may not have a huge secret identity to keep quiet, but the rest of us do. If you put your address and the fact that you’re from the future on it, it could put everyone, especially me, in danger of losing that.”

“But  _ Teeeeeed. _ ” He sing-songed. “Pleaseeeee.”

“No.” Ted said, and Booster mopped back to the couch, so he thought that was it.

Turns out, it wasn’t.

Apparently DiscoverMe sold their tests at pharmacies. The next day, Booster had grabbed one on his way home, taken it, and submitted it, before Ted even got back.

Ted pinched the bridge of his nose as Booster told him. “Did you at least include a fake name?”

Booster nodded excitedly. “Yep! Rip Hunter.”

Resisting the urge to bang his head against a wall, Ted realized, well, what’s done is done. He at least attempted responsibility. Now, he was going to drive head-first into chaos. 

Two weeks later, a thin envelope labeled DiscoverMe came in the mail. They sat at the kitchen table and stared at it as it just laid there, taunting them.

“We have to open it,” Ted said.

Booster nodded.

They did not open it.

Several days passed before they even mentioned it again. It was while Booster was making lunch, pouring milk into the pasta for mac ‘n cheese, when he said, “I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”

Ted knew what he was talking about, even without clarifying. Maybe it was their near psychic link, or possibly it was just because of the underlying tension that hung in the kitchen ever since the envelope arrived. “Me either.”

“It’s just my ancestors!” Booster exclaimed. “I mean, it’s not like it’s going to be anybody I already know.”

“Yeah,” Ted agreed, and suddenly the whole thing seemed a little less daunting. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

“Right now?” Booster cocked an eyebrow.

Nodding, Ted jumped down from the barstool and ran for the envelope. He ripped it open with a flourish, tossing the shreds of paper on the table as he produced the thin paper inside. 

Booster ran over and stole it from his hands, looking it over. “I don’t know what I was so nervous about. I don’t recognize any of these names. It labels them all as my  _ second cousins. _ Guess they don’t have a word for ‘500-year-ancestor.’” He shrugged and flipped it to look at the ethnicities.

“That’s good, though,” Ted chuckled. “Nothing weird. I don’t know what we were so afraid of.”

Booster kept reading. At first, it seemed fine, but as he reached the end, his face paled.

“What is it?” Ted asked. Booster said nothing, so he tore the paper away to read. 

It looked normal. Ted didn’t know what the problem w… oh.

_ Oh. _

“Oh.” He said, ever so eloquently. 

Booster nodded, staring straight ahead.

Because at the bottom of the paper, in thin, italic letters, read,  _ 0.39% Kryptonian. _

To say he had questions was an understatement.

“Well… have you ever, uh…” Ted tried to put his thoughts into words. “Ever noticed any super powers?”

Booster shook his head.

“Ever flown or… or…. Accidentally shot lasers from your eyes?”

Booster plopped right down on the floor. 

“Didn’t think so,” Ted sat down next to him. He put a comforting hand on Booster’s wrist.

“How did they even get Kryptonian DNA?” Booster wondered, which was a very good question, actually. “How can they identify it? I doubt Superman regularly gives his hair out.”

Ted chuckled. “We already know the  _ only _ Kryptonian. We can just go talk to him.”

Booster gazed off into the distance. “I can’t believe Supes is my great-great-great-great-something-grandfather.”

“Guess we figured out where you get your charm and good looks from,” Ted joked.

Ted cornered Superman one day. He had just finished stopping a robbery, right outside Ted’s building, so it wasn’t even out of his way, really. 

It had been a few days since they’d received the news, and it had been a bit of a haze. Booster had done some idle Googling of his other ancestors, but none were of note. Most didn’t look anything like him. Thank god for social media - how else would Booster have been able to inspect the lives of his distant relatives from afar? 

But back to Superman. Ted cornered him right outside his office. Thankfully, Supes recognized him, and spared a moment to chat.

There was no easy way to start this conversation, so Ted jumped right into it. “Have you ever given away your DNA?” 

Superman looked taken aback. “No, but I know some people who have it.”

“Like who?” Ted asked.

“Batman and Lex Luthor, definitely. The rest is speculation. Dare I wonder why you’re asking?”

Ted rolled his eyes. Supes always assumed the worst in them. But should he share? Or wait until he finds out more? He ultimately decided to approach the topic gently. “Have you ever heard of DiscoverMe?”

Superman froze. “Lexcorps ancestry service?”

Well Ted didn’t know about that, but he supposed Superman would. Guess he had to come clean. “Booster took one of their DNA tests and it showed up that he had a  _ very small _ percentage of Kryptonian in him.”

Lips drawn in a thin line, Superman said, “I suppose… they would have that information.” He sighed. “Does this mean I’m related to Booster?”

Seeing him like this, confused and a tad lost, it reminded Ted of his boyfriend. Maybe it was the way his lip slightly jut out, or his curl dangled over his eyes. It was distant, but he could definitely see the resemblance. “Maybe. If you don’t mind, I would like to do tests, myself. Just to make sure.”

Obligingly, Supes plucked out a piece of hair. Ted took out a plastic bag (kept them on him at all times. You never knew when you would encounter a new scientific wonder!) and Supes dropped it in. 

He seemed to hesitate, then ask, “Booster doesn’t have any powers, does he?”

Ted shrugged. “He says not, but I wouldn’t know how to test for that sort of thing.”

“Well, if he is family…” Superman seemed to mull it over, before declaring, “I’ll help him test for any powers. It’s a small chance, but we should check, just in case.”

Ted agreed, and they split ways. 

Upon arriving home, Booster greeted Ted at the door with a kiss, as he always did. It was adorable and Ted hoped he never stopped.

He dug into his pocket and pulled out the sandwich back with a singular black hair. “Look what I got,” he sang.

Booster looked a little closer. “A hair?”

“ _ Superman’s  _ hair.”

Booster’s eyes lit up. “Are you going to test it?”

He nodded. “So I’m going to need one of yours, too.” Booster plucked a hair from his head. Ted took them both and headed to his lab.

It was a bit difficult to determine, since the relation was so distant, but Superman’s  _ did _ look  _ much _ different than a normal human’s. Once Ted was able to make out the specific differences, he was able to apply them to Booster’s and confirm that yes, Booster was a descendent of Superman.

He received mixed reviews from both parties. It’s as if neither of them knew what to believe. Ted, on the other hand, was elated. Mostly about the scientific possibilities and implications. 

Nevertheless, Superman held true to his word and took Booster up to the Watertower to test for powers.

They started with the basic stuff. Immunity to Kryptonite, if he grew stronger under a sunlamp, or weaker in the dark. Ted watched from the corner, taking down data as he watched their methods become increasingly less productive. It got to the point where Superman was just chucking things at Booster with the hope that it would shatter on impact. It never did. 

Booster drug his feet over to Ted, whining and collapsing on the floor beside him. Ted pet his hair, trying to console him before Supes got him back up to do more trials.

Although after Superman’s tests were done, Ted conducted a few of his own. He tested for heightened visual and hearing, possible super strength, among a few other, smaller things. 

And finally, when Booster could take no more, Ted plugged the data into his computer to analyze it. 

It was just a computer algorithm, so it wouldn’t take long. Both Superman and Booster waited eagerly for the results. 

“Y’know, Supes, Ted began, typing in numbers. “If you have something more important to be doing, I can just let you know the results later.”

He shook his head. “Kon’s on alert right now, and there’s never much going on this time of day.”

Ted shrugged.

“By the way,” Superman turned to Booster. “Since you are, well…  _ family _ , you can call me Kal.”

Booster cocked his head. “Is that your secret identity?”

“It’s my Kryptonian name,” Superman/Kal explained. “My full name is Kal-El. My family is the house of El. Think of it kind of like a last name. Similarly, Kara’s name is Kara Zor-El, and Kon’s is Kon-El.”

“Cool!” Booster’s eyes lit up. “Do I get a Kryptonian name?”

“Er…”

Thankfully, Superman/Kal never had to answer that. Ted’s computer dinged with the results. He read them outloud, “It looks like you are 2% stronger in the sun than the dark, and your hearing is 0.9% above average.”

Booster fist pumped, despite those stats not being much of anything.

“I guess the Kryptonian powers must have faded over time,” Ted tried as way of explanation.

Kal shrugged. “The powers don’t matter that much. I’m just happy that my species lives on, even 500 years from now.”

His  _ species _ had dwindled down to basically non-existent, if Booster’s DNA had anything to say for it, but Ted definitely wasn’t going to tell  _ him  _ that. 

“Well, thank you for keeping me in the loop,” Kal nodded at them both. “I really appreciate this.” 

He began to fly away, but turned when Booster called, “Kal, wait!”

Shuffling Booster, searched for the words. It took him a moment, but he eventually said, “I would really like if you could tell me more about Krypton and your family someday.”

Kal paused, then smiled. Not the blinding Superman-y smile, but one that was gentler, one that may have been reserved more for family. “I would like that.”

It wasn’t until later that night that Ted finally asked about their little exchange. He had thought it weird at the time, but had saved it as a topic for later. It wasn’t until they were getting ready for bed that he asked, “So what’s up with you and Supes?”

“Other than being related to him?” Booster asked, putting on his socks. 

“No,” Ted tried to figure out how to explain. Something about their last interaction felt very personal. “You just seem suddenly buddy-buddy with him. The big players have never been the nicest to us, and blood doesn’t automatically make you best friends.” It was a topic Ted knew all too well. 

Booster was quiet. He didn’t answer until after they had finished getting ready and crawled into bed. “You know how my family was.”

Ted nodded. Having terrible fathers was something they had in common. 

“I know I have Daniel, Rip, Michelle, and you still, but it wasn’t always like that. When I first came to this time period, I was completely alone. I had lost my career, my family, everything that mattered. I remember all too clearly what the devastation had felt like. And Superman came to this planet after having lost everything. In a way, our stories are kind of alike.”

Ted supposed that was a bit true. He curled up next to Booster, armed draped across his chest, and leaned on his arm, waiting for him to continue.

“I know that automatically doesn’t make us pals, but despite the new family I’ve made here, there’s still something inherently lonely about being the only one. I think something good can come of this.”

And while, despite his charisma, Booster has never been known for being the most optimistic, there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes now. One that twinkled in the darkness and captivated Ted. 

He was excited about this, and Ted was there to support him, every step of the way. 

And Ted fell asleep, thinking about how lucky he was to have someone like Booster in his life, part alien or not.

**Author's Note:**

> well that's it! thanks again to aimless for helping me come up with the ideas for this disaster. feel free to hmu on [tumblr](https://supermonkeyball.tumblr.com) if you ever wanna chat or scream at me for continuously writing abominations!


End file.
